Tips on the importance of seeking support during the menopause.

Isolating ourselves, particularly during dramatic experiences, has never been recommended for our well-being. Isolating ourselves during the menopause is no exception. We know the importance of going to the doctor when unusual changes occur in our bodies, but no one tells us or encourages us to talk to friends or family when the physical changes are personal or may not be socially acceptable, in other words, they may embarrass us.

For example, vaginal dryness, decreased libido, urinary incontinence, mood swings, anxiety, fuzzy thinking and depression are all symptoms that many women report when they reach the transition stage of the menopause, but they don't share them with anyone.

Looking for support during menopause

Seeking support from family and friends during the menopause is just as important as considering treatment options to relieve symptoms. I want you to read that statement again, slowly. Not having the support of family and friends during the menopause is like trying to drive a car with three wheels. It won't work as it should, you won't reach the goal in the time you expect and the ride won't have been worth it. If I know anything about the menopause, we want to get through it and get back to our old lives as quickly as possible. What can be done to help?

Let's start with friends first. Women form strong bonds with other women from childhood. We do this by sharing our innermost feelings about our lives, so much so that we have been accused by the opposite sex of wanting to process these feelings insistently. It is the process of sharing that builds the bond with our partners. Sharing and processing are forms of intimacy. Men, because of the way their brains work, generally don't share intimate feelings with their male colleagues. Their friendships are very different. They also find it difficult to ask for help or advice. As a result, their support systems can be limited.

Sharing your feelings, fears and worries about the menopause with your friends is one of the healthiest things you can do for yourself. Chances are, they're struggling too. The experience may not be exactly the same, but you will receive the most important thing that will help you through it, validation. Validation of any life experience or feeling is music to the soul. If you're feeling like you're crazy, validation will help you let go of that feeling.

Another important aspect of sharing and talking about your menopause experience with your friends is to think of solutions to alleviate the symptoms. Your doctor may only offer you one or two solutions to try; your friends may have ten or twenty solutions. Having more solutions gives us hope and enables us to take control of the situation. There is nothing more powerful than personally knowing women who have gone through the menopause and survived.

Sharing the experience of menopause with your family

Women report that they are reluctant to share what they are going through with their family, particularly the couple. They report feeling embarrassed about their mood swings, especially if the symptoms affect sexual intimacy with their male partner. What can happen to the relationship if you don't share what's going on with your partner? They can take it personally and, as a result, the relationship can deteriorate. This can affect not only sexual intimacy, but also affection and day-to-day communication.

I've personally had the opportunity to talk to many men about their feelings regarding their partner's experience of the menopause. Men want to know what they can do to help. Many feel powerless in the face of being unable to help relieve the discomfort caused by hot flushes, mood swings and sleep disturbances, for example. And when it comes to sexual intimacy, they want to know how they can make sex pleasurable. When I tell them that sex has probably decreased not because their partner no longer finds them desirable, but because it hurts to have sex, they are shocked. They say they'd like to know.

Relationships can be very complex and a multitude of factors affect longevity and health. Honest communication, especially during the menopause, increases the chance of the relationship maturing and thriving. Remember, men are natural problem-solvers. They want to help, but they need guidance with more delicate issues. And the menopause is definitely a sensitive issue.

If sharing feelings and experiences about the menopause seems intimidating to you, start with someone you know is safe and will listen to you without judgment. This could be a family member, a sister or a best friend. Once you've got your feet wet, share openly with your partner. Start slowly, test the waters and, if you need help delving into intimate issues such as sexual intimacy, don't hesitate to hire a therapist to help you express your innermost feelings with your partner.

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